Having spent a good portion of my adult life as a Dating American, I’ve been noticing something for a long time. I’m sure everyone reading this has noticed the same thing. To a large percentage of the population, a whole lot of emphasis has been placed on the height of the different sexes.
It seems to be widely accepted that the “correct” order of things is for the man to always be taller than the woman. Sure sure, there are lots of exceptions out there, but nonetheless you can’t argue that the exceptions are almost always noted. There was a good chunk of time when, even if you actively avoided gossip columns and the like, you were bound to stumble across some headline stating that Katie is taller than Tom (gasp!).
It’s even more clear in the online dating world. When it comes to online dating, one of the few places you can actually count on people being honest in their profiles is when they describe what they want. And though it’s far from the majority, one of the things that you’re bound to see every now and then is, “must be taller than me,” or the even more extreme, “must be taller than me in heels” (I’m assuming she means she’d be wearing heels, not him).
Now, just to be clear, I’m not questioning why this might be preferred. My question is why is it that for so many people it’s a total deal breaker? And not just for the women, a lot of men would never consider going out with a woman taller than him as well – though admittedly not to the same degree. I myself used to have a similar attitude that “it would be weird,” until one day I found myself dating a woman who was about four inches taller than me. And suddenly it became clear how ridiculous an issue it is.
“Taller than me” isn’t something like “Wants children” or “non-smoker.” At best it’s a secondary sexual characteristic. Not nothing. But not vital to a relationship. That being said, let’s take a look at some of the reasons it makes sense for taller men to seem more desirable:
Evolutionary: Regardless of your views on science, I think few can argue that we have an instinctive desire to be with those we believe will be better caretakers and create stronger children. This is what secondary sexual characteristics are all about. Taller guys can see the lion from further away, are probably stronger for when they have to deal with the lion up close, and are better able to dunk a basketball when the lion is running an effective zone defense.
“It Just Feels Better”: On the most basic level, this is about hugging someone. Since men tend to be larger, It just feels “more natural” for the man to be taller when locked in an embrace.
The Arm Candy Effect: I’d like to give the fairer sex the benefit of the doubt and say that for most, this is the least important aspect of the three listed. And yet I doubt many could argue that how we look in public isn’t at least a factor for many of us. There’s a really wonderful story about Sir Gawain’s wife on this subject, but it’s too much of a digression to go into here (here on the other hand…).
I’m sure there are more reasons, but it seems to me these are the big ones. And to be clear, I’m not actually arguing against any of them in terms of attractiveness. It’s a matter of deal breakers. Why is “taller than me” a deal breaker on the same level as “wants children,” while at the same time being totally accepted to the point of being expected. Whereas something like “no fatties” sounds rightfully offensive?
…but wait. This article isn’t about children, non-smokers or “fatties.” I promised you boobs, and boobs ye shall have.
Imagine for just a moment that you’re flipping through a bunch of profiles on a dating site. And along the way you stumble across a guy who is pretty good looking, shares a lot of common interests with you, has a good job, and while describing his perfect woman tosses in one sentence saying, “Must have at least size C breasts.”
I think it’s a pretty safe bet that the overwhelming majority of women would be offended by this. Even those who actually meet the “Size C” requirement would think he’s a pig. The cries for his head would echo all over the Internet. And yet, is it really so different from the height question? Let’s look at our qualifiers again:
Evolutionary: This may come as a shock to some people, but breasts are also capable of producing sustenance ideally suited for babies. They’re also a visual cue from nature regarding fertility in general. Hey it’s science, people!!!
“It Just Feels Better”: Hugging… um… yeah.
The Arm Candy Effect: Do I really need to post an image for this?
And in my ponderings, I would add another one for both:
They both matter less when “lying down”: Whether you tilt your head up or down when kissing only matters, at most, when you’re standing up. And most of the men I’ve spoken to about this agree that whether they prefer larger or smaller breasts, the actual size matters less once they’re exposed to the light (or dark, as it were). Nude beaches really aren’t as interesting as people think.
Now take a quick look at the article I snipped that last pic from. Who on Earth would look at that picture and write a headline and three-and-a-half paragraphs about her height, show the image itself, and then way at the bottom add, “…it was impossible not to notice the 32-year-old actress’ very visible cleavage?” And why is it that the article on Tom and Katie I showed above is considered par for the course, whereas something like the following would be considered bad taste:
I put it to you, gentle readers. Setting aside the more understandable deal breakers like, “She thinks The DaVinci Code is the most amazingest book EVER!!!” why are some more arbitrary deal breakers considered perfectly acceptable by society, and others are considered absurd or offensive?
And if any of those gentle readers know of large-breasted taller women, be sure and send me their information as well. You know… for science.
September 29, 2011 at 9:14 am
Next week I take vows with a man who is a good inch shorter than I am. I wouldn’t change a thing.
September 29, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Oh, I didn’t realize the size C spec would generally be offensive, though I’m sure you’re right.
Though I’ve dated plenty of guys shorter than I, I do have a soft spot for those taller. I don’t have to struggle as much to feel feminine next to them (instead of a hulking monstrosity), and I — well, I’m a sub, I like that they could throw me across a bed if they wanted.
September 30, 2011 at 1:34 am
It’s not having a size C or higher which is offensive, it’s a guy stating in his qualifications, “I only date women with a size C or higher,” which I believe would be called into question.
September 30, 2011 at 9:32 am
I realized that’s what you meant, but it hadn’t occurred to me to be offended by it. Some guys just really want a nice handful (or two). At least height and bust size can be determined with just one date (though I guess height is less easily/commonly faked than bust size), so you can cross the person off your list early if it’s a deal-breaker for you.
Boy am I glad that *having* larger than size C is not offensive. A lot of women would probably go around binding their breasts if it were.
Enjoying your blog! Keep up the posting, if you would be so kind. 🙂
October 1, 2011 at 11:17 am
Actually there is another side to this, relating both to height and boobs, which involves self-consciousness on the part of many (definitely not all) women who are endowed in one or the other. It was easy to overlook at first, but the inverse of “she’s tall, she wouldn’t date me” is “I’m too tall and that will turn a lot of guys off” or “I have big boobs that get me unwanted attention.”
In both cases you can actually see how the women in question will hunch over in a misguided attempt to hide whichever one they’re trying to hide. Even without all the health concerns that bad posture can cause over long periods of time, this really bugs me to see. If you’re tall, BE tall. Confidence is beautiful. You’re not fooling anyone anyway, so why lower yourself (no pun intended)? With big boobs is pretty much the same thing, though in that case you CAN actually hide them a bit that way. From what I’m told, having them can be rough on the back already (at least with the really big ones), so why compound the problem?
And for the record if I recall correctly, despite being both tall and well endowed, you do not fit the description above.
September 30, 2011 at 9:38 am
This blog is like a bizarro Yehoodi where Chiv starts every thread.
October 1, 2011 at 1:21 am
I think you mean an awesome Yehoodi where…
October 6, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Nice one!
March 20, 2012 at 11:54 am
The new generation of guys isn’t really into boobs? Yes, tall women (especially if they are busty or curvy) are very self conscious. Plenty of guys like small boobs. Few men like tall women. Short guys are not preferred but theres plenty of short women who date them. In relationships it all starts with looks and preferences and that’s just the way it is… Can’t change it.
March 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm
Guys are cruel & nobody in general should date them & certainly not touch them. They judge our looks while thinking they are attractive, even the nastiest ones! I hate them! Let them have the icky pock marked spinners that will take on that nonsense! Go girls! Keep your big boobs & other hot body parts to other girls or to your damn self! Not one ugly man who won’t appreciate you deserves a thought or a touch!
April 19, 2012 at 12:43 pm
I’m not sure what you’re getting at with the question about guys not being into boobs. But I can say that much like women, guys’ preferences come in all shapes and sizes. Some men prefer large boobs. Some prefer small boobs. For some that preference is very important, and others don’t care about boobs at all, and are leg or ass-men. Some dig shoulders. Some like muscular or soft women. The list goes on and on.
As I mention above, in my experience a lot of the aversion to taller women comes from societal pressures or the assumption that the woman won’t be interested, so “why bother” (similar to how you often hear stories about gorgeous women who can’t get a date). I personally suffered from both at one point, and the fact that I saw the absurdity is a lot of why I wrote this piece to begin with.
I think a lot of guys would be very willing to date a taller woman if they thought she was interested. Two of the biggest truisms about dating are 1) women basically always make the first move by showing their interest in a number of subtle ways, and 2) most guys don’t pick up on #1 because we basically need to be slapped upside the head and handed a sign. I’m not saying that height can’t be an obstacle for taller women (as you said, some people just have preferences), but it can be overcome.
Odds are that guy who won’t hit on you because you’re a couple of inches taller would thank his lucky stars that a tall hottie actually went for him. He might even make a point of showing you off to his friends. Though hopefully he’ll be classy enough to do so in a tasteful way. 🙂
June 19, 2012 at 5:52 am
No they hate on tall girls but literally will go for dwarves & midgets. I’ve almost never gone out in public without extreme ridicule. Tall girls
Should unite & be better lesbians! But many of us hope & wish for things that won’t happen ? Y ? Idk?
January 4, 2013 at 11:51 pm
It’s amazing that I tumbled across this post. I was pondering this exact question. Well written, well thought out. I may reblog, with attribution of course.
January 5, 2013 at 12:19 am
http://namebrandketchup.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/reblog-a-question-of-height-and-boobs/
January 5, 2013 at 12:18 am
[…] Rather than re-invent the wheel, I’ll offer excerpts from VelvetKnight’s well-reasoned analysis and encourage you to read the whole post: […]
December 19, 2014 at 12:43 pm
I’m not sure exactly why but this website is loading very slow for me.
Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end?
I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.